but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
