Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
