She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
