i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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