I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
