well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
