I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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