How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
