This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
