i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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