So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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