you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just invented taco cereal.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize