The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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