hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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