i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize