Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
