you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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