On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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