Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
