i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
