God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
that is very illegal...i love you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize