wake up i wanna do it froggy style
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
