I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
