dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Help. Why am I so naked?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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