ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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