Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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