I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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