Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
