That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
