i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
