Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
