I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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