Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
