I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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