kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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