so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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