I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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