My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
