she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
