Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
