I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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