I can text with my tongue
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
