You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
