a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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