all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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