Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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