He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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