so that wasnt chicken after all
so let's talk penis.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
