I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
