Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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