So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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