I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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