i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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