i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
