He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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