No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
