I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
