Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
