the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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