I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
