He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
