maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
