I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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