i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
