why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize