STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they need to just BURY HIM!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
